Today is officially day 1 of my fast. I even made a list of why I wanted to do this so I can look at it whenever I need resolve. I just woke up so my willpower has a long way to go. But whatever it takes I'm going to purge my system of the worst 8 day binge of my life (in which I gained TWENTY POUNDS!!!).
I'm never going to eat chocolate, icecream, PASTA, nutella or bread again. They are my problem foods. I just have to imprint the phase "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" on my mind and remember that eating is not meant to be the highlight of my dreary existance.♥
I MUST have a stomach ulcer or something because my stomach has hurt all week and I only get some relief when I eat food. Regardless, I'm not going to eat today. No way.
Okay, I'm very bored. I've decided I need to buy some sort of girdle because my stomach disgusts me so much, and along with that I'll need a food diary, some kind of yummy smelling body wash and some appetite supressants and oolong tea. I can't believe I never even considered appetite suppressants before! Then there's other endless possibilities in the form of homeopathic remedies and vitamins.. wonderful. Oh, and I'd also like some kind of funky necklace and of course some pretty earrings. It's a good thing my paypal account is empty now or I'd be wasting a heck of money right now. Gosh, I hope I can get to sleep now =|
I'm bored so I'm going to make a list of my favourite television shows.
~ugly betty
~smallville
~desperate housewives
~house
Woah. For someone who spends their whole life watching television there's only four shows that I actually like.. wow. I seriously need to cut back.
Okay so what else is there? Music? Well I haven't really paid much attention to the music scene. I was fanatically obsessed with Panic! at the Disco for ages until I knew all their songs so much that they started giving me a headache. My favourite song of the moment is KT Tundstall- Suddenly I see.. But I do also like msot of the songs of Lilly Allen.
I haven't been to the movies in ages. How sad is that? But now my birthday's coming up.. in about 3 weeks or so.. I wonder if I should do something to celebrate? Or even bother asking for presents. I know! In a bid to entertain myself I'll randomly look at stuff on amazon.. I just have to make sure I don't waste a whole heap of money like what happened with my ebay phase.. god, I can't believe I once spent $60 for a cupcake shaped plushie! Indeed I have issues.
Anyway, on a completely different subject, my hair is finally growing and I'm able to get rid of this awful copper colour I have. Yes! I could get nice knee-high boots for my birthday? Or something to help me get thin? No, actually that's a bad idea. I only used my pedometer once and my Body Fat% scale did nothing but depress me.
I've got insomnia and I'm so anxious about everything. None of my supposed friends have contacted me in a week.. I feel like crying. And they're all so damned thin. Now I'm all fat I'm going to feel even worse around people.
Today has turned into another day of bingeing. I weighed 127lbs today. Last week I was 113lbs. I pray for death. I think the only way I'll ever change is if I do a 30 water fast which will commence tomorrow, and if tomorrow ends up as another bingeing day then I will do something to ease my pain, like take a bunch of pills or cut my wrists.
I feel so sick. Not only am I utterly and completely depressed, but I have a massive headache and my stomach hurts. The past week all I've done is binge, and I've gained 20lbs, and haven't left the house once. I seriously wish I was dead. But since I'm too gutless to do anything about that I'm thinking of taking up fasting because it's painful thinking about how I used to be thin and now I'm fat and if I don't do anything it's only going to get worse.
ps. screw my vegetarianism, that lasted for only 3 months.
I just woke up so my willpower has a long way to go. But whatever it takes I'm going to purge my system of the worst 8 day binge of my life (in which I gained TWENTY POUNDS!!!).
I just have to imprint the phase "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips" on my mind and remember that eating is not meant to be the highlight of my dreary existance.♥
I feel like I've wasted three years of my life.It's very distressing.